Couples Must Learn Accountability in Conflict — Counselor
Relationship and Marriage Counselor Joella Dankwah-Coffie has emphasized the importance of emotional intelligence in managing conflicts in relationships, saying couples must learn to separate problems from the people involved.
Speaking on Business Breakfast on ZED 101.9FM, Pastor Dankwah-Coffie explained that emotional intelligence helps individuals understand that their partners are not the enemy during disagreements, but rather that both parties must work together to address the underlying issue.
According to her, conflict itself is not necessarily harmful, but the inability to handle it properly often damages relationships.
“Emotional intelligence in a relationship will tell you my partner, body, soul and spirit, is not the problem. There is an issue that we need to tackle together,” she said.
She urged couples to become self aware during moments of anger, frustration, or emotional triggers, noting that many people resort to unhealthy reactions when they feel challenged or exposed.
Pastor Dankwah-Coffie mentioned behaviours such as anger, belittling, manipulation, and gaslighting as common responses people use when they realize they may have contributed to a problem.
However, she stressed that emotionally intelligent individuals are willing to admit wrongdoing and accept guidance in resolving issues.
“Emotional intelligence will admit, okay, I caused the problem. Emotional intelligence will say, since I caused the problem and I do not have the solution, I am willing to take your advice on board for us to deal with it,” she stated.
Pastor Dankwah-Coffie shared how she once decided that physical discipline should no longer be used in raising her teenage sons, preferring dialogue and conversation instead.
She explained that the decision initially appeared appropriate because the boys were growing into young men. However, she later realized the approach led to increased disrespect and indiscipline.
According to her, she eventually acknowledged that her decision had contributed to the problem and sought her husband’s perspective and support in addressing the situation.
“I had to go back to my husband and say I made the wrong choice and I am the cause of the problem,” she recounted.
She noted that humility and the willingness to admit mistakes are critical components of emotional intelligence, especially in marriage and parenting.
The counselor encouraged couples to focus on collaboration rather than blame when dealing with disagreements, adding that emotional maturity strengthens relationships and promotes healthier communication within families.
Pastor Dankwah-Coffie also advised couples to embrace accountability, emotional intelligence, and respectful communication when resolving conflicts in relationships.
She stressed that individuals who realize they have wronged their partners must be willing to openly admit their mistakes and seek reconciliation with sincerity.
Pastor Dankwah-Coffie said apologies in relationships should be intentional, respectful, and focused on the issue at hand rather than reopening past grievances.
“If after a conversation you realize you have made a mistake with your partner, then go with the choice of saying, ‘I was wrong,’” she said.
She encouraged couples to carefully choose the right time, place, and tone when addressing sensitive issues, stressing that humility and calm communication are essential during reconciliation.
“Be willing to take a tone of voice that shows you are sorry for whatever has taken place. Admit and stay on topic,” she advised.
Pastor Dankwah-Coffie noted that many people often derail important conversations by revisiting unrelated past hurts instead of focusing on resolving the immediate issue.
She, therefore, urged couples to back their words with consistent actions, noting that lasting reconciliation is built on accountability, respect, and behavioural change.
